}001{ My recent journey.

Tonight has been a night of constant reminders, thinking, and evaluating life.

My insomnia has brought me to several new points in my life to look at. Let’s look at the beginning and I will discuss and elaborate on where my life is and where it needs to be.

My fiancé and I have been together for almost eight years now. We are quite serious about our relationship and feel the need to start saving for our wedding and a house of our own.

These eight years haven’t been easy for either of us. We have lost people we love, lost contact with friends, poor financial situations and just plain old bad luck.

As a child, we both dreamt that if we were ever to find a spouse, our grandfather/grandmother would be at our wedding. About two years ago, my fiancé’s grandfather passed away after a fight with diabetes, which ended up beginning to cause him to lose limbs. It is a hard thing to watch a man lose his independence and get absolutely frustrated with it. This was a very hard loss for my fiancé but we stuck together and go through it together.

Earlier this year my grandmother, who has been fighting pancreatic cancer on and off since 2008, passed away. The cancer spread, despite treatment and surgery, eventually causing her to be unable to eat (and keep it down). We slowly watched her become a shell of herself; losing energy, losing weight, getting sicker… Until one day she passed away in her sleep. It was a very hard loss on me, and I’m still trying to cope with it today. I am lucky to have my fiancé and a great friends who have provided a lot of positivity and encouragement.

During all of this, we have been very slack with our lives and being very lazy and careless. We both have seemingly lost our drive for life. Putting cleaning off for prolonged times, no desire to cook (eating out), having a hard time getting out of bed and going to work in the day… The list could go on. Everything is seemingly self inflicted and progressively getting worse.

With our bad habits, it is seeming to have adverse reactions on our health. Which is a given, however, was never something I figured I would have to face. It is no secret – I do not like doctors and will only go if it is required because it will cause me to miss work. Since everything started, I have notified my hair falling out more and more. One day, my mother was over and pointed out a bald spot on my head. I have been very conscious of it since, and try to make sure everything to do with my scalp is health and and I’m not wearing my hair tight all the time. It’s been about six month, and it’s very hard to tell if anything is improving. However, it is not the worst thing in the world. I could survive without my hair. The cause of the loss is unknown, as I do not feel the need to seek advice from a doctor. It began happening during a stressful time and being a victim g malnutrition wouldn’t help either.

These poor choices are leaving us feeling as though we have no energy and utilizing all our money. I did a minor budget plan tonight, just with my phone, during my lack of being able to sleep. It turned out a lot of money that we should have but don’t. So I started looking into alternative banks and ideas of what I could do. I found a bank that offered a great deal on a chequing account and would help us greatly. It is sad to think I’m leaving a bank I have been with for years, however, things just are not working out how I need them to and a change needs to be made. So my first stop later today will be to the new bank to get set up and get the ball rolling so I can update our work information, as well as get our gym membership and other recurring debits changed out. This will help us manage our money better and keep an eye on everything.

With all of this, I am also about 5 months into a new position at work and have applied to move up further. I believe I want this position, despite a negative drawback of back shift. We all do what we need in order to move up in our companies and earn more money.

My fiancé is also looking at a future career. He is working on getting all the appropriate licenses required and trying to see how he can speed up the process. I am very proud of him and can’t wait to see where this goes. It could be a very bright future for the two of us and would help us a lot. It would most likely mean that I would be moving out of province in a few years, and looking for a new job… However, it would all depend on how everything fell into place with the job and where they would place him. It wouldn’t be a horrible thing to live in a different province, considering the tax Nova Scotia is charged is insane and feels like I’m being taxes to death.

Well, at this time it is now 7am. I have left you with a bit of reading and should try to grab a couple hours of sleep. Thank you for reading. Remember to keep positive and move forward!

The surest way not to fail is to determine to succeed. – Richard Brinsley Sheridan

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